Monday, July 28, 2014

Putting my $ where my mouth is

As I read blogs and listen to people ramble away about various and sundry things regarding the game of baseball, I wonder how many of these people have actually played the great sport.

Nothing drives me crazier (and I am already crazy to begin with) than armchair quarterbacks, or in this case, armchair pitchers, droning on about a sport they've never played. That being said, you will never hear me talking about lacrosse or tennis, the two sports I don't think I've ever played, even as a kid. I've been a gymnast, I've played rugby, and even played flag football for my PE credit in college. I've ran, I've swam, and I am a championship winning kickball player.

Tonight, I am putting my money where my mouth is, and picking up my old trusty, a worn and much loved Rawlings glove and my bright purple bat that's covered in dings. Hopefully, I will make Stanton proud and hit a #monsterdong for him.

If I do, who is taking me to a strip club?!?

Wish me luck!

Friday, July 25, 2014

Woman Scorned: A letter to Ken Rosenthal

Dearest Ken,

In regards to your "FREE GIANCARLO STANTON" post yesterday: 

Way to point out everything we already know about Loria and how our team operates. Don't you have anything original or groundbreaking to tell us?

You call yourself a professional, why not report on something that's not already common knowledge?
Good job on doing nothing more than fanning the flames.


Take that bowtie and shove it up your ass. I like to wear them too, but they sure as shit look better sitting above my supple rack versus on your pale, old man turkey neck. Here's a bit of pictorial evidence to back up my claim:


Speaking of old news, much like you are "reporting"...  that's what you just proved yourself to be.

Move over. Its time for the new hotness.

Take note, @FoxSportsFlorida.

Warmest regards,


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Bigfoot has a #MonsterDong

How many names does this guy have?!?

I learned today that he is called Bigfoot by the other players.  

After knowing this, does anyone else think about the saying about the correlation between a man’s shoe size and the size of his junk?

Maybe that’s why we say he hits such #MonsterDongs.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

KMT and SCwS: first post!

It’s been almost a year since the blog was updated. A ton has changed since then, but the one thing that thankfully remains the same is that Stanton is still a Marlin. The same can’t be said about Morrison, but he wasn’t a fan of the blog so f*ck ‘em. Anyway, back to what’s changed since then: Blogger BoobiesNStanton got married. Congrats, dude! I hope you knew you were trading in your bats and balls for a ball and chain, and that you are only going to see the same PINK PONY from here on out. I didn’t though, so all you single boys out there can breathe a sigh of relief. You still have time! The most that’s changed with me is my hair. Not very exciting, I know. Moving on…As for the Marlins, we thankfully didn't have another godawful re-branding but we switched our roster up again, making us almost unrecognizable from this time last year.

Some things remain the same, such as still wanting to go to a strip club with Stanton, the Marlins are still owned by the devil reincarnated, the one and thankgodforhimbeingthe only Jeff Loria, and we switched up our roster again, making us almost unrecognizable from this time last year. Yes, I know that’s a repeat from above but it happens every year, thus making it a dual purpose statement. Don’t talk back to me! Shut your mouth a keep reading. You have to, Stanton would want you to. Plus, I have a nice rack, and per BoobiesNStanton, I will do a great job keeping up the blog because “No blogger with boobs has ever failed.” So, that being said, here I go, taking my proverbial twirl around the blogging pole, hoping for pure GOLD CLUB.

Wanting to write for a blog has been something I’ve been thinking about for a while but I never took a swing at it, mainly out of laziness. However, this past weekend, I was chatting it up with a very cute guy at the Rowdies soccer game, and he asked me if I was a writer. I said no, not really, although I had considered myself one in my younger years. I asked him why he thought that and he replied “It’s the way you talk about and describe things. You should write, and you should focus on sports because you go to so many sporting events.” (True story. I am constantly at games of some sort. Between my rec league kickball and softball teams, I was at a 2 baseball games (1 Rays, 1 Threshers), 2 soccer games (Rowdies), and a Mud Wars event within the span of 7 days. Yeah, I stay busy.) Anyway, I told that story to the genius who started this beloved blog, and he graciously offered to transfer it to me. I ecstatically accepted, and here I am, me and my rack, posting my first blog.

To introduce myself, I thought it would be nice to do a little look back at my history and involvement with #SCWS. I started following the blog pretty soon after it was started. I thought the name was hysterical, and that the posts were even funnier than the name. I replied to and retweeted every time I saw a new post. I hoped that one day, he would be rewarded with trip to a strip club with GiancarloCruzMichalStanton, and that I could join that magical 2001 SPACE ODYSSEY journey, if an invite if it ever happened.

I offered to live tweet my shenanigans at any of the Rays v Marlins games I went to. (I live in Tampa now and screw you, yes I cheer for the Rays too. I can't help it, I am a baseball fan and have to go to games. My soul would suffer if I didn't. I grew up going to lordonlyknows how many Marlins games, and its ingrained in me to go. Plus, their owner actually gives a ---- about his team, unlike Loria. It's a refreshing change.) 

Here are some highlights of those games.

Me inviting Stanton to a Tampa area strip club. I even offered to let him pick which one we went to--even though my kickball team at the time was sponsored by a SCORES Tampa . Sadly, he never responded.

NEW BALL!!!!!!

I wear that ring on the finger for a reason.

We called this game the #seafoodbattle game.

Me, sitting on my friend's head. Because why not?

YEAH, I AM A.....


This last one is not Marlins or SCwS related, but consider it a bonus because boobs are being shown.

I hope you had as much fun reading this post as I did writing it. I promise to be as irreverent and rude as possible in future posts, and to keep in line with the spirit of the blog's theme and style thus far.

Ohhhhh , one last thing: the #Rack Reference contest.

No one correctly guess the number of times I would reference my rack in this post so the winner is...... no one. Well, one person who guessed has seen it plenty in person, so I guess he is the winner, lucky him.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014


A little over a year ago, this here blog came to its unofficial end. Having neither the time nor the desire to come up with witty Photoshops about stick figure Marlins, I let the site sit there. And sit there. And sit there. It's got so much dust on it right now, it might as well be your grandmother's vagina. (There's a visual for ya.)




Don't be sad. After 14 months of silence, this tiny piece of the internet is making its triumphant return!


With a new voice.


A new leader.


A leader who loves GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON and terrible Photoshops maybe even more than myself.


Way! And she's a new leader with boobs. (BOOBS, GUYS! BOOBS!)

Okay, here's the deal. Her name is @KMT9—well, that's her Twitter name, at least—and she'll introduce herself in the coming days. She'll assume the role of your new fearless leader around these parts, as I hand the keys of the site over to her and watch as she crashes it into an MS Paint pole that she'll then proceed to swing from as she strategically removes articles of clothing while Def Leppard plays in the background.

For realsies, though, she should have nothing to worry about. You guys have always been great to me and I suspect you'll be even greater to a writer with fully functioning nipples. If she needs anything (or, hell, if you guys need anything), I'll always be right over here at Page Q Sports, or you can find me on the Twitter machine either here or here. I still love you guys and I would never truly leave you, but it's time the site was back in the hands of someone who can do it justice.

So, with that, it's time for me to step aside and let the new kid take over.

Good luck and happy stick figuring.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013


Last night was Star Trek Night at Marlins Park. Much fun was had. Not by the Marlins, who lost 6-2, but by everyone else who was there. And, well, maybe some of the Marlins had fun, too, since a few of them did get dressed up for the occasion...

Monday, May 13, 2013


The last time we spoke, on May 5th, the Marlins were ending Roy Halladay's career, which was nice. You probably wanna hold onto that memory, because Loria's band of merry misfits has played 6 games since, recorded more than 1 run just twice, and won just once. Luckily it all happened on the West Coast, so you probably slept through it. Can I get a "Yay, Marlins!"

You now get a day off of not caring about the Marlins before they begin a three game series against the Reds that you won't care about either. Tuesday night is Star Trek Night at Marlins Park (I couldn't even make this up), so feel free to dress like an alien and also shoot yourself in the face, because nobody else associated with that awful show has had the self-respect to do so.

And now for a bunch of photos of Marlins players doing Marlins things: